Doing things differently with parenting…
We were on our way to our boys’ elementary school this morning, and an argument ensued. Arguments are not uncommon in our home. We disagree with each other regularly because we are all very different and we try to create a home where it is safe to share our own thoughts and opinions. This morning, the argument led to words being said by my husband and myself to our 11 year old son. Immediately I regretted saying what I said because I said the words in anger and did not really mean them. But the damage was done. Before our kids got out of the car, my husband and I both apologized and asked our son to forgive us. When we ask for forgiveness and apologize, there is no “but” afterwards. It is just “I’m sorry.” We both told our son that no matter what he said or did, we should not have yelled or said the words we said. No excuses. No blaming. No shaming. Just owning responsibility and doing the right thing. How do we expect our children to own up to mistakes if we don’t model that for them in our own behavior?
As we try to parent differently in some areas than our own parents did, it can be really difficult. I sometimes feel like I am failing miserably as a mom. I lose my cool too easily, I am too quick to shame or discount my boys’ feelings and thoughts, and I get frustrated more than I should. I don’t want my kids to walk on egg shells around me. I want them to feel safe being themselves and expressing their opinions. So this is where I often feel like I’m failing.
Actions speak louder than words…
As we strive to raise our kids to be loving, empathetic people who stand up and care for those who need it, we try to live our lives in that way. I truly believe that our boys will learn more by watching us than by listening. What do I want them seeing? An angry, short-tempered, impatient mom or a mom who looks for ways to help others and loves being there for them? Definitely the latter is my goal. I hope my boys look back and have memories of their mom and dad loving them well.
What are you experiences? What are parenting things that you struggle with? How many times in a week do you apologize to your kiddos? I would love to hear from you! Being in the trenches with others who are there or have been there can be encouraging!
